Me: How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Mum: He's black
Me: You look for fresh prints, but oh my God
Ted: Barney, The three days rule is insane. I mean, who even came up with that
Marshall: Barney, don't do this. Not with Jesus
Barney: Seriously, Jesus started the whole wait-three-days thing. He waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect. If he waited one day people wouldn't have even heard he'd died. They'd be all "Hey Jesus, What up?", and Jesus would probably be like "What up? I died yesterday." And then they'd be all, "Uh, You look pretty alive to me, dude." And then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, it was a miracle. And then the dude would be like, "Uh, Okay, Whatever you say bro. Heh!"
Robin: Wow, Ancient dialogue sounds so stilted now
Barney: And he's not gonna come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy doing chores- Working the loom, trimming their beards. No, he waits the exact right number of days, three.
Ted: Okay, I promise i'll wait three days. Just please stop talking
Barney: Plus, it's Sunday, So everyone's in church already. They're all in there, "Oh no, Jesus is dead." Then, BAM!, He bursts through the back door, Runs up the aisle. Everyone's totally psyched. And, FYI, That's when he invented the high-five
Barney: Three days, Ted. We wait three days to call a woman because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait...True story!
The Internet is probably the most important technological advancement of my...– Adam Savage (via forfunandstuff)
The worst feeling ever is when your Pokemon misses...
How clever a mom could you get?
Puts the box my graduation-cap came with in my room and says that the cap is gone, without looking in the box. “It felt so light” - Yeah, right..
Thinking about leaving tumblr for the night and go...
Yes, I am that badass. What’chu gonna do about it?
stormcloud: you could be touching a ghost dick right now and you don’t even know it Hey, I’m not gay! “Just stay out of my way… or you’ll pay! LISTEN to what I say!” “Why don’t I just go eat some hay, make things out of clay, lay by the bay? I just may! What’d ya say?”
Fuck, how good is a band allowed to be?...
Clock is now 4:10 AM and I’m saying, Goodnight y’all, no questions asked.